Where Time (and Life) Goes

Life never seems to slow down.  I suppose this is okay, as long as I remember three things: friends, food, and writing.  This week, I had a chance to cook with a dear friend of mine.  We made a delicious stuffed chicken recipe (I suggest it... easy, cheesy, and cheap!  Check it out at cooking creation).  After eating, we rushed off in an attempt to get to my work on time.  Afterwards, my friend wanted the recipe, and in her email, she said, "Thankful for another Thursday of suppering with you, dear friend" and it reminded me of how thankful I am for times like that.  How wonderful it is to spend time connecting with friends!  And while "life" doesn't slow down while we eat, it doesn't speed up either, and I'm thankful for that. 
As we ate, we also chatted about books and poetry, a topic not uncommon with us.  And as I write tonight, I'm reminded yet again of why I read.  It isn't to gain knowledge, although I enjoy learning as I read; it isn't about studying every detail of a writer's style to pick from it what I like, although I continually do so;  I read because in it, I uncover new ways to see the world and new ways to live.  Reading breathes life into me, whether it's a poem, a book, scripture, or the directions for a new recipe I found on Pintrest.  And as a reminder for me tonight is this wonderful poem by Mary Oliver:

Morning Poem

Every morning

the world

is created.

Under the orange

sticks of the sun

the heaped

ashes of the night

turn into leaves again

and fasten themselves to the high branches ---

and the ponds appear

like black cloth

on which are painted islands

of summer lilies.

If it is your nature

to be happy

you will swim away along the soft trails

for hours, your imagination

alighting everywhere.

And if your spirit

carries within it

the thorn

that is heavier than lead ---

if it's all you can do

to keep on trudging ---

there is still

somewhere deep within you

a beast shouting that the earth

is exactly what it wanted ---

each pond with its blazing lilies

is a prayer heard and answered

lavishly,

every morning,

whether or not

you have ever dared to be happy,

whether or not

you have ever dared to pray. 

 So as you venture forth this day, do so knowing that life may never slow down, it may never seem easy, but there is hope.  Life isn't lived in the burdens.  It's lived in the joy.

Maybe it's Called Ambition

"Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive."

-Switchfoot, "Awakening"

I'm currently finishing up The Awakening by Kate Chopin.  Perhaps you've heard of it.  Perhaps you haven't.  As suggested by the title, the main character, Edna Pontillier, is gradually awakening to her self, finding her identity.  Though the ending is tragic, the theme of the novel is haunting me.  This idea of awakening.
In the past few days, I feel like I have been running on a treadmill while someone else pushes the button to speed up the belt.  I haven't had a chance to catch up, until now.  And as I do, as I reflect upon the past few days, I feel like I'm waking up, too.  Oh, I'm not talking about physically getting out of bed.  I'm talking about actually listening to my thoughts, to processing the past few days.  I've written a number of words which I've erased as I find myself awakening more, becoming more in tune with myself. 
One of the things that's been on my mind as of late is the future.  As a senior, people keep asking me if I'm graduating, and do I know what I'm going to do when I graduate?  I have one semester left after this, thanks to finding myself lost in the world of music theory as a freshman.  Student teaching.  A big one, and I should be excited about it, right?  I am, don't get me wrong.  But student teaching in the fall leaves a semester of _(Insert verb here).  Who knows what I'll find myself doing come graduation in December.  Do many schools hire in December? I'm not sure.  Furthermore, do I even want a position in the States?  As I delve deeper and deeper into the world of education, I find myself drawn to a position overseas, empowering students through English and reading.  I've been blessed to have professors and teachers who've awakened my love of language.  In the past few months, I have had other professors awaken me to the world around me.  I'm enrolled in a literacy course this semester, and my amazing professor gave us grim reports in the world of literacy.  She announced that an astonishing number of students read below grade level.  If this true in the U.S, I can only imagine how low literacy is in second and third world nations.  I have a passion for helping students overcome their past of illiteracy and finding a path to a brighter world through the ability to read and write.  I think every person should have the chance to continually be awakened to the world around them, and I believe it starts with literacy.  English in particular, in our increasingly connect world, is beneficial as a language of business and commerce.  This is what I to do.  This is the dream singing to me.  This is my awakening moment. 
As I find myself awakening to my passions for teaching and language more day by day, I become increasingly convinced that words, especially those written, give me a chance to form my identity, to find myself.  They empower me and, to some extent, allow me to find purpose. 
And today, as I write from a dining room with warm sunlight hinting at a world that's reawakening from a cold winter sleep, I can think of nothing but the idea of awakening.
Go empower yourself, whether you do so by reading words, writing words, or speaking words.  Find a way to be "awakened" to life.